|Griff. He's happy even when I'm feeling like I should be doing something else, so I guess I'm doing something right!|
I'm always trying to work out the best way to live my life; I sometimes feel like I'm doing a crap job of it, I always feel like I'm doing a crap job of something. Maybe I am. Probably I am. Yep, I am.
What should I do next, what should I do now, what should I have done this morning when the baby was asleep and I had an hour 'free'? (I did some ironing. I'm thinking I should have done some pilates or started writing a novel or something...)
I often feel like I look a wreck. I often feel like my house is a mess. I often feel like I don't earn enough money, that I don't exercise enough, that I should read more, that the kids should be eating more fresh vegetables and less pasta, that I should be living somewhere else and that I should sit on the floor and sing 'Twinkle, Twinkle' with the baby more often.
Christ, it's exhausting. And I could make some bloggy comment now about how I'm going to walk away from that way of thinking and go easy on myself and make a cup of tea and eat a piece of cake and go and cover some pine cones with glitter with the kids but that's bullshit cos I'll still be feeling like it's not enough and I know it would take at least 5 years of therapy to stop thinking that there's a better way to do everything all the time and even then I guess I'd still have my moments. Because I'm human, and I'm female, and I'm a mum. That's why.
So what can we do? Anyone? Why do we do this to ourselves?